Today on Women in Hoodies my co-host and I decided that at the end of each show, we’re going to share what we’ve learned the previous week. She and I get real and raw on that broadcast and I thought it was important that in the midst of all that we open up about the reality of our highs and lows. I’d share that clip, it was a really great talk but I forgot the very important job of hitting the damn record button when went live so that super awesome broadcast is gone. I’m sad for it, because it was one of our better ones. But, never the less I want to share here what 2018 has taught me so far.
For me, it’s going to be a year of patience. With myself and with my words.
I’ve made some big steps so far. I was proud of myself for being vulnerable, for putting myself out there, and communicating the things I felt. But recently I’ve been thinking a lot about a conversation I had with someone I really care about. We’ve all done it at some point; gone back to a conversation and wished that we had said something different. The perfect words always come in retrospect, right? But I’m particularly moved by one particular conversation because I feel like there was an opportunity there and I missed it. I was so locked in how I thought things were going to go, so ready for rejection that I cocooned myself and that made it difficult for me to really hear what was being said in the moment. I wish I had of paused. Instead of rushing to fill the space with words, I wish I had been more patient. I wish I’d had the courage to sit inside of the awkwardness and been uncomfortable for a moment so I could really listen to what was being said to me. If I had, I would have chosen my words differently and maybe it would have made a difference. I’ll never know. All I do know is that the dynamic of a relationship has subtly changed, that a connection that was once there is now muted and that makes me sad.
You know I have two beliefs that don’t quite line up: that we’ll get the things we’re suppose to have. But, on the other side of that I believe in missed opportunities and consequence of choices. Maybe those missed opportunities just forge a different path? Maybe that’s where my test of patience really comes in?
There’s not much I can do about it now except accept how things are and as my wonderful co-host Julie says, “keep on, keeping on.” But if there is a lesson I’m taking into 2018 that I’m really going to have to hammer in, it’s to be patient. To stay my course and not get discouraged when outcomes change or things take longer than I expected. And most important to be patient with my words. To not be afraid of be uncomfortable or awkward as hard as that is. To be brave enough to say, “Hang on. I need a second so I can really hear what you’re saying to me.”
You know I’ve got plenty of regrets, I think they’re healthy to have to a point, but it would be super cool if I can tick this one off the list. I’ll let you all know how it goes.
What are you learning so far in 2018? Don’t be shy, share with me!